Thursday, September 30, 2010

'Round & 'round we go...

Wow. I can't believe it's been so long! So much has happened. 
I had a baby. 
Paxton Joel, 8lbs, 5oz, 20.5 inches

We moved 600 miles south to Sacramento, CA. 

It's been pretty crazy, to say the least. Thankfully, we finally got settled into a nice house that is a much better fit for our expanding family. It only took us four weeks at Mom's house; amazing the motivation you can find when crammed four people deep in one bedroom...
Home at Last!

After struggling to get Phoenix back into Head Start with NO success, we found a great little Montessori school in Folsom; spendy but great. It feels like we're finally fitting back into the lives we left in Portland.
My mom just came down for a visit & spoiled the crap outta us. She took us to San Francisco for a day to do all the tourist-y stuff we haven't been able to do yet & we showed her things like Old Folsom and Apple Hill; it was a pretty good trip.
San Francisco!
 Old Folsom 
The Apple Peeler at Apple Hill

The let-down came at the very end when Phoenix's new teacher sat me down to advise that Jay & I take him to see a neurologist. I was floored. After four years of avoiding the whole issue of 'What Happened to Phoenix?' and 2 1/2 years of trying to prevent serious developmental delays because of it, we're faced with the gut-wrenching reality that it was pretty much unavoidable and unpreventable. My beautiful, loving bundle of dirt & rocks is broken in a way I can't fix. 
We still don't know how serious it all is but it's enough to make me not sleep at night and to send up so many red flags I feel physically sick. Did I tell my mom? No, I did not. That's one can of worms I'll wait a while longer before opening. 
I think I feel most frustrated by the fact that we've done so much to try to help him avoid being 'handicapped' by what happened to him. I thought I had taken all the right steps & I guess I had; it was more a matter of the right steps not leading to what I ultimately needed which was a more intense, hands-on therapy/rehabilitation-type approach. All the time and effort we've put into this means nothing. It's all a waste. He won't be ready for kindergarten next year and maybe not the year after that. I think that's what saddens me the most, knowing how far behind his peers he will be.

Has anyone else had to deal with this? 
Finding out at such a late date that your child has special needs?
 How did you deal with it?



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