Hello, Beautiful

It happened.

It finally happened.

I made it to February 1st. I got up in a good mood, excited to find out what the day held in store for us. A touch of morning sickness was banished by the lovely homeopathic remedy my mom sent down. Phoenix and Paxton were in good spirits and Phoenix got off to school without a single hitch.

Paxton and I saw Jay off to work then we got ready ourselves. Paxton has reached the point in toddler-hood where he dresses himself and let me tell you, it is SO FUN to watch. He tells you what he's got as he puts his clothes on; sert (shirt), pans (pants), sawk (socks), sthues (shoes) and then proceeds to put on just about everything backwards. I help him turn things around before we leave the house but when we're here, I don't bother.

I dropped him with John and Johnny, his BFF, and headed to the doctors'. I got there 15 minutes early and still had a 45 minute wait. Peed in a cup, got weighed and put into an exam room. The nurse left for a second and came back with what I knew was an ultrasound cart.

My heart skipped a beat.

First thought -- I get to see her/him/IT. 

Second thought -- Man. I wish Jay were here to see this. 

She asked some basic questions, told me to strip from the waist down and Doctor would be in to see me in a minute. A few minutes later, I met Laura. She is AWESOME. She informed me though, that she won't be able to actually deliver the baby. I didn't ask why; I figure it has something to do with my insurance or state law or something. It doesn't really matter, anyways; I do a pretty good job popping these kids out and I really don't care who's there to witness it. Doctor or midwife, I will have this baby MY WAY.

Because I just had the colposcopy, Laura did the follow-up PAP instead of making me wait until March. Then it was time for the fun part. The part I'd been hoping for, wishing for. 

The ultrasound.

It wasn't the one where they goop up your belly; it was the other one. The internal ultrasound. I don't think I've had one of those before. Maybe I did with Phoenix & just don't remember but I'm pretty sure I got gooped up for both of his and I know I got gooped up for Paxton's because we got to do a 4D ultrasound too.

As soon as she had it in place, BAM! There was a tiny little human on the screen. My heart soared.

It's there. It's real. I'm growing a baby.

I honestly was amazed at how developed the little bean is already. Everything was there to be seen. Everything except the boy/girl parts, that is.

I saw little feet and toes; tiny hands and fingers; some super-long baby legs and a face. A cute, not-quite-alien face, with eyes and a nose and an itty bitty little smile. I should have been ready with my phone to take video and pictures but I was too excited to think about it until I saw little Baby P on the screen. Once I saw all I could think was, Jay is missing this. He should be here. By then, it was too late to snap pictures or shoot a video but I did get a picture to bring home for him.

Based on baby's measurements, I'm 11 weeks, six days along and my due date changed from August 22 to August 20. I'd like to think that those extra two days increase the odds that Baby P is a girl since we were trying to follow a "schedule" but it's still anyone's guess for another few weeks.

We talked about my history; two pregnancies, two vaginal births. Only minor complications, two early inductions due to high blood pressure and pregnancy-induced hypertension. I told her I'm already having constant headaches; she said it's most likely the raging hormones, since we are still early in the process.

Here's where I feel obligated to throw in a TMI disclaimer: It's about to get a little graphic.

I told her I've noticed a weird, brownish, almost-blood-like discharge out of one boob. Just one. The right one. The one that we thought had cancer in 2008. I got an ultrasound done back then and we found out it wasn't cancer; just fibrocystic breast disease. HALLELUJAH. No breast cancer, which runs in my family, just some especially lumpy boobs. When I first noticed my one leaky nipple, I headed to Google, of course, and read that the discharge could be related to tissue changes in fibrocystic breasts so I figured it was something worth mentioning but not something worthy of a freak-out. Could just be another drawback to my lumpy boobs.

She wasn't too concerned until she looked at it and got more discharge then she'd expected and I think the color worried her too. She took a sample to test and told me I'd have to have another ultrasound because it could be a sign of breast cancer. Great. She sent a referral to my insurance company for authorization on the ultrasound and told me they'd call me when it comes through.

I am not going to worry or freak out. I'm going to assume everything is fine and dandy and this discharge is just part of having a fibrocystic breast. A fibrocystic breast that is experiencing pretty real, significant changes because well, I'm pregnant and these babies are gearing up to become milk factories.

She wrote me a prescription for prenatal vitamins, filled out paperwork for a blood draw and told me to come back in four weeks. I made my appointment for March 1st, got poked and peed in another cup and headed to the car. Paxton fell asleep on the ride home and I had every intention of posting about hitting 10,000 page views but he refused to go back down once we got home. So I threw it in here, instead. You see that? Real smooth, aren't I??

Thank you SO MUCH to each and every one of you. Whether you're a follower or not, if you've read ONE POST, you've helped get me to this crazy milestone. Thank you.

If I'm lucky, I'll get a call back about the ultrasound this week and hopefully, I'll be able to get it done & over with before my appointment in March; February is a busy month for us. Today makes nine years without Dad; Jay & I have our eighth anniversary on the 26th, just two days before my mom's birthday. March promises to be just as busy with birthdays in just about every week and at least one doctors appointment.

One thing I know for sure: this baby is growing and it will be here in no time at all. We're almost out of the first trimester and I feel like the farther along we get, the faster it goes. I'm not really looking forward to being hugely pregnant during a California summer but I'll make the most of it by spending as much time as possible in our pool. I'll be the weird pregnant lady who's at the pool so much, everyone's scared she's going to give birth in it.

It will be awesome.

Yup. This will be me.