Thursday, July 19, 2012

Keeping Dad close

If you've read my blog for long or have read some of my archives, you probably know my dad is not a part of this physical world. In February 2004, my dad suffered a seizure and passed away. He was 46 years old, just weeks shy of 47. I was 19 and it destroyed me. I had no idea how important my dad was to me until it was too late. He may no longer be in this world, but he is still a very big part of MY world & I know he's here with me, every single day.

He gave me a little card to keep in my wallet or purse. It came on a birthday card or something and it says:

today and always, 
please know that I see you. 
I see the path you've made for yourself that's all your own. 
I see the many unique talents and gifts you have to share. 
I see your brilliance, your enthusiasm and how deeply you care and hurt sometimes. 
I see your hard-earned wisdom, your soft pure innocence, 
your courage and compassion, your unconditional goodness. 
I see what a difference you make in this world, and I hope you know how very much I love you and how proud I am to have a daughter as wonderful as you.

I found it this morning, sitting on top of the refrigerator. I haven't seen it in a while and I don't know how it got there but I do know I needed to be reminded of what my dad saw in me, long before I saw it in myself. I have to think he saw the woman I would become, not the little girl I was. My dad overcame so much to be the father he was to me and while he wasn't perfect in any sense of the word, he was my dad. He loved me and I didn't know how deeply until it was too late to say 'Thank you'.

I have to find comfort in the belief that I'm still making him proud, just being me & he'll find a way to tell me, even if he's not here to say anything.


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