Monday, May 21, 2012

Under Pressure

I haven't posted in a couple weeks and I feel bad. I'm really trying to be more regular with my posts -- I'm not going to keep all you wonderful readers around if I'm not posting -- but I have an unspoken/unwritten rule to not write when I'm pissed off or to bitch about my personal relationships. I know what trouble that can (and WILL) get me into and I'd just rather avoid it all together. This does not mean I'm always perfectly content, in any way, shape or form. I have problems, just like we all do. As positive as I try to be, sometimes it's a fight I just can't win. Today, I'm not even trying.

Today, I'm pissed off.

I'm stressed out.

I'm worn out.

I feel drained & depleted.

And there's no end in sight...

I need help. I need someone to see how hard I'm trying, how much I need a break. I am falling apart. I'm seething under the surface and only an extreme amount of self-control is keeping me from unloading all my pent-up animosity. I'm so disappointed, so angry.

So sad.

I feel so let down.

Anxiety over shit I can't control is permeating my life and as hard as I try to stuff it down, it isn't going away. It's not just the business, the house or the kids; there's so much more I just can't explain without pissing someone off. I don't even know why I care; I don't want to censor myself but I don't want to deal with the backlash either. Even here, on my own blog, I can't fully express how I feel. I can't coherently describe the gambit of emotions I'm dealing with. Instead I'm ranting, hoping it'll be enough to relieve just a little of this pressure before it crushes me completely...

...it's not.

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