Well, life and emotions got the better of me and I pretty much shut down after my last post but that didn't stop life from happening. It never does. Since that last post a LOT of life has happened: the boys went through an entire year of school (preschool for Paxton and third grade for Phoenix); Korben turned one and then two; Jay and I got married May 1, 2015...
And we got pregnant. Again.
This makes baby #4 and it took us totally by surprise; I was on birth control and we were both happily done having babies. Or so we thought...I blame the honeymoon stage. Back in July, I took the boys up to Oregon to visit my mom & her husband Tom, and to meet his family. Mom & Tom were hosting at a beautiful campsite near Eugene; there was a creek running right behind our site and the boys got to run wild in the woods for five whole days. It was so lush and so green. So green. And it wasn't just a vacation for me; it was a chance to rejuvenate my soul.
I had no idea at the time I had a little stowaway riding along with us but I found out shortly after we got home, just a few weeks before Korben's second birthday. It was the scariest moment of my life in the last eleven years. I had no idea how Jay would react, how he would feel. I had no idea how I felt about it right then. When I told him I had missed my period, he thought I was joking, for a millisecond. It dawned on him I wasn't joking and reality set in. We were going to have another baby. Four kids.
It has been a roller coaster since then. Excitement, anxiety, pure panic, elation, worry, stress, joy. We found out in November the boys will be big brothers to a baby girl. I almost didn't believe it when I saw her on the screen at the ultrasound but it was very obvious to a couple who's seen three boys that this was NOT a baby boy we were seeing and I couldn't help the tears of pure joy. After all the wonders my boys have brought me, I'd get to see what fun a little girl would be. We would get the best, and worst, of both genders.
She is due the day before my birthday, March 26, just eleven weeks from now. As emotional and stressful as this pregnancy has been, its also been the fastest. I'm guessing that chasing three boys on top of regular life has something to do with that but whatever makes it seem to be going so quickly, I'm thankful, because around 20 weeks I developed SPD, a condition that affects pregnant women and occurs when the body starts releasing a hormone called relaxin. This causes the ligaments holding the two pelvic bones together to loosen and relax; it's totally natural and one way your body is prepping for baby's arrival. Without this process, your baby's head wouldn't fit through your pelvis but when it happens this far from delivery, it can cause severe pain and discomfort as the muscles around the loosened ligaments compensate for the work load.
It can also feel like your legs are being pulled off, make your hips pop when you walk up stairs (if you can walk up stairs), give you intense low back pain and make doing normal things like vacuuming, washing dishes or pushing a shopping cart feel like torture. Then there's the normal heartburn, swollen feet & ankles, irritability and my all-time favorites, restless leg syndrome and insomnia. Oh the joys of creating new life... Guaranteed relief only comes after delivery and can take a awhile to come about, thanks to fluctuating hormone levels but this time will definitely be my last (I already signed my tubal ligation consent form) so I won't have to deal with it ever, ever again and its such a short wait before we get to meet our little Murphy girl.
Of course, with so little time before her arrival, I've fallen into nesting mode pretty hard. I've sorted out all the hand-me-downs, kept the gender neutral ones and i will either sell or donate the rest; I've put what I'm keeping away in the dresser she's going to share with Korben and I have plans to add a changing pad on top so it can do double-duty as a changing g station. Since the dresser is already tucked into a little alcove, I want to hang some shelves up for diaper storage and put some curtains on either side to dress it up a bit. Korben will be getting upgraded to the bottom bunk while his toddler bed will go back to crib form for baby sister; Paxton will move up to the top bunk and Phoenix will get a new loft bed that the crib will fit underneath with enough room to get baby in & out easily. I've only got so much space to work with so I'm trying to get the most at of it that I can!
Korben and I have also been potty training because Double Diaper Duty does not float with me and he is doing really well; right now, we are only using diapers at night! He is consistently peeing in the potty, with only a handful of accidents, and we've managed to make a few short trips out and about without diapers or accidents! I'm super proud of the little dude and I'm hoping it sticks after baby sister gets here.
My knitting needles have been getting a workout recently too; there are way too many adorable knitting patterns out there! She isn't even here yet and she already has a collection of knitted sweaters, hats and bootees, some headbands and the cutest little vest. Once I get my hands on a couple skeins of fingering weight, she'll have a couple dresses and a mermaid tail bunting because how could I not knit that?!
It hasn't been all good, though. There's a lot that comes with another baby, we both know, and we are both feeling pretty maxed out as it is. The pressure to get into a house just got more intense and if ever want to travel as a family, we'll need to get a vehicle with more seat belts. I have my heart set on something like a Sequoia or Pilot but I might have to settle for a minivan. Shudder. And then there is all the stuff babies need like diapers and clothes. Those things cost money and we all know that stuff doesn't grow on trees. Even though we haven't bought a single thing yet, we have definitely fought about the cost and just money in general. A lot. And because of the constant pain I feel from the SPD, my usual activities are a million times harder which leads to animosity, resentment and more fighting. Being pregnant, I'm extra sensitive and emotional so the tears are always on the verge of busting out but as I get closer, I feel more excitement than anything and since there's no going backwards I'm enjoying the journey when its good and learning what I can from the bad parts.
Until next time...