Friday, September 30, 2011

Divine Intervention

In my life, I've come the conclusion that sometimes bad things happen to good people; what can go wrong, will go wrong and the little guy will always get shoved around by the big guy. I've also learned that sometimes things just work out, for no good reason. It's hard for me to understand what creates these situations but I'd like to think there are reasons for them, even if we don't always understand what those reasons are. It can't really be these things are events of our own creation, can it? 

When things that maybe shouldn't go so well, do in fact go really, really well and I know it just chance or luck, I often think about my dad. It took me awhile this time but last night, I had the feeling I get sometimes when it feels like he's close and I wonder if he's sending energy my way, helping me when I need it the most. Dad always told me 'Everything works out in the end' and it's funny but it does. 

The last two weeks have been incredibly stressful; coming to the realization that we needed to move and fast, knowing our credit is so jacked there was no way we could get into a place without a HUGE deposit, then coming to the conclusion that our only option was to ask our property management not to evict us, 'ignore' the back-rent we owe them and out of the goodness of their hearts, let us move into a smaller, more affordable place. And after waiting almost a week to hear back, there's really no reason why they said 'Sure. Just let us do a walk-through to make sure you haven't trashed the first place." No really, she said that.

I was so elated to hear that we won't be essentially homeless that I didn't even really think about the motivation they have for keeping us around. Yes, they make money off us every month, theoretically, but I will admit, I haven't been the best at maintaining a cordial Landlord-Tenant relationship. See, I have trouble with confrontation when I know I'm in the wrong. I know it sounds ridiculous but I'd rather be called out for my bullshit by someone else; who wants to call "bullshit" on themselves? 

So when money got tight and we couldn't pay rent on time or at all, I found it incredibly difficult to call property management to explain. They don't really care why rent's late, they just want to know when it's gonna get paid. Which makes their willingness to work with us that much more miraculous to me. I didn't really think about it until last night, after Jay & I had finished packing our room & the office. Dad. I know it sounds crazy but my dad has been on my mind for weeks; there's nothing "special" about this time of year, in relation to my dad, and I couldn't really think of why he'd been occupying my thoughts so much.

I like to think that these moments are when his energy is strongest around me; this is his way of saying, 'Yes, I'm still here.". Usually when I think something that's happened has been 'touched' by his energy, I know right away. I find $20 in a pair of jeans that haven't been worn in forever when we're on the verge of serfdom & I say a little 'Thank you, Dad' and I truly feel like it's him. This time, I didn't relate my recent thoughts of him to the fact that something I could consider miraculous had just happened for a while.

Sitting here, last night, surrounded by boxes, it just kind of hit me in the face -- Everything works out in the end. I started to cry. It may seem silly or straight-up insane but I know my dad had a helping hand in this. 

My actions certainly don't deserve such a incredibly fortunate outcome and while I have to believe that yes, we are ultimately in control of the events of our lives, sometimes things happen that we simply can't explain. Be it luck or chance or 'divine intervention', sometimes life just surprises you.

Thank you, Dad. Thank you so much 


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