Good-bye to another year...of school!

As I begin this post, I realize how many others I have started and never finished in the last few months.

This one will be different...

I really can't believe it's already here. Summer Vacation.

School is out, again, for another summer break. Another grade is completed and this time, it was a year full of good things. Both the boys had amazing years, made friends and met goals. I was thoroughly impressed with progress reports and IEP meetings but never found the time to shout from the hilltops, like I would have not-so-long ago.

I'll start with Phoenix.

At the beginning of the year, we were still about a year behind in some areas, with many of our goals from the previous year still "In Progress". When I met with his teacher for his IEP meeting, a wave of change had rolled through.

We had met goals and were making new ones.
Speech had improved, greatly.
Concepts were sinking in and being understood.
He was finding traction and gaining speed.

It felt good to hear that after such a long struggle, we were finally in a good place. We were finally getting him to where he needs to be for his age. Last week when I got his final progress report, I cried.

Goal after goal read "Met Standards" and while we may still be a year behind in a few places, quite a few of the standards met this year were second grade standards. SECOND GRADE STANDARDS.

It blows my mind how unphased he is, how persistent and determined he is. He gets discouraged, yes. His confidence is still less than I would like. He still struggles a lot in everyday life but we are getting somewhere. For that, I am beyond thankful & grateful.

I am in awe of this little being I have helped to create and mold. He has had so many challenges; even though they seem small, they have had a big impact on him and they still would be if nothing had been done to help him find his way. Karate has helped him blossom more and come out of his shell, almost as if he's becoming more comfortable in his own skin; almost as if he's beginning to learn to love himself.

It's incredible and wonderful and awesome.

Paxton, on the other hand, has never stopped blowing my mind.

I was so worried about him, convinced he was going to have the same problems Phoenix did. I got him evaluated and did speech therapy at Sac State for a semester, went to the school district and got him an IEP, got him into preschool with his IEP. He had pull-out speech services on campus twice a week and I thought about another semester at Sac State, then the baby cried and I was thrusted back to reality with the conclusion that maybe I wasn't capable of doing another semester at Sac State.

At this point, he's already doing better than Phoenix was at the same age and is flying through things that tripped Phoenix up like basic concepts, letter recognition and sounds, so I really don't feel all that guilty. Paxton also doesn't have the inner ear problem Phoenix does, so that has to help too (with my Mom-guilt and his progress in speech).

In just this first year of preschool he's made phenomenal progress and when I say my mind is blown, I'm not exaggerating. At the beginning of this year, he knew a few letters; like the letters to his name. When I went to his parent/teacher meeting in May, his teacher confided that he can identify all 26 letters, upper and lower case, and the sounds they make, that he can spell and, this blew her mind too, that he can read.

Oh yes. He can read.

He still has speech issues, to be clear. He jumbles words together when he's trying to speak in sentences (cluster reduction) or leaves the last sound of words off (final consonant deletion) but these are normal, common processing errors for kids learning to speak and he's not that far behind. Most speech processing errors correct themselves by age 4 and Paxton's fifth birthday is just a few months away so I'm fairly confident these processes will resolve themselves if we just keep doing speech therapy at school and working on speech at home.

It gives me hope that Korben might, possibly, not have any speech issues at all but that's a bridge I'll cross when I come to it. For now, I'm going to take the progress that's been made, the goals that have been met, the leaps and bounds that have been taken and enjoy them for what the are: signs that Jay & I are doing what we need to do for our boys, signs that our boys are healthy and happy and learning and growing and thriving. I'm going to sit back and look at my boys and be proud. Of them, for getting to where they are, and of myself, for helping to get them there.

Seeing them succeed is the greatest proof that I am not a complete and utter failure and that's something I'm clinging to desperately right now.

A baby no more

Today, my baby turns three. It's not really a milestone birthday. Not like the first or Sweet 16 but for me, this one is still pretty big.

Three is that age when you see the personality come out, the independence. Three is when you really "meet" your child, in a sense that they are now, very definitely, their own people. Some can still be called toddlers.

Paxton cannot. 

He is anything but "toddling" at this point in his very young, play-filled life. He is running, jumping, climbing. He is talking. Not as well as most of his peers but better than his brother was at this age and better than he was a few months ago. He's not even toddler size! Standing up to Phoenix's shoulder and wearing a size 4T, he looks closer to four or five than just-barely-three. 

December 30, 2009 -- From Baby...

It's hard for me to remember him as a baby; he's just grown so fast! He was rolling over before we moved from Oregon and was walking by nine months. He's been babbling and fighting with Phoenix for months now and sometimes, I can't believe he's still only three. 

Having Paxton has changed all of our lives, in so many different ways. He has helped teach me patience and simply won't tolerate being yelled at.

He just shuts down.

Arms crossed, head bowed, he'll glare at me from under his eyelashes.

He is all emotion and reaction. Treat him calmly and with respect and you have the most wonderful kid in the world.Yell at him to do what you want and you will have the world's biggest fight on your hands and YOU WILL LOSE. Trust me on this one.

He's reminded me that part of my job as a parent is to give these boys confidence. Confidence in themselves and confidence that I will always, always, be there for them, no matter what. If I'm yelling about spilled milk or crushed-up cereal on the floor, they probably aren't going to want to see how I react to them breaking a neighbors' window or crashing a car.

I am teaching them by example more than I am with words and what I do is what they will remember. I see a  self-assured, bright, intelligent little boy when I look at Paxton and I have the greatest hopes for him, and Phoenix too. He is always so happy, smiling and playing, laughing at anything and everything Phoenix does or says. He wants nothing more than to be doing whatever Big Brother is doing, much to Phoenix's displeasure.

We left Portland just fifteen weeks after he was born and he will never remember anything about being there. He is essentially a California kid, even if he was born in Oregon.

This is all he's ever really known. It makes me sad because in some ways, it's a lot like what Phoenix experienced in Portland: crazy times with Mom and Dad trying to figure out how to make life happen. There has been an incredible amount of fun though, too. I mean, how many kids can grow up and say they used to wrangle chickens in their Huggies??


Paxton can.

He's explored Old Folsom with us and gone to Sly Park to see snow for the first time. He's learned to crawl, walk and run here in California. We've gone swimming in Folsom Lake and camping God-only-knows-where and again at Mosquito Lake (never camp anywhere named "Mosquito-anything"). His first Christmas was here, at our house in Orangevale.

He's started speech therapy at CSUS and will start school this year too. He's almost got this potty training thing down, announcing 'I pee! I PEE!' when he needs to go or has already gone and I can see how proud of himself he is when he bounces up and throws a fist in the air with an "I DID IT!". In three short years, he's gone from a helpless, totally dependent ball of goo and poop to a smart, independent, strong-willed little boy.

He is no longer a baby. He is on his way to childhood. As hard as it is to watch him grow up, as hard as it is to lose my "baby", I am so proud of the person he is becoming. I can see in him the changes I have made in myself and how I parent. I can almost see the boy he is becoming; almost but not quite.

...to Boy in 36 months flat ♥

He was born during a freak snow storm in Portland and even with a name that means "peaceful village", this kid is a tempest when he wants to be. He is strong; he is smart; he is full of energy and curiosity  He wants to explore the world and conquer it; and today, he turns three.

I love you so much, little man. You have changed me in untold ways and I am forever in your debt. ♥

Catching Up, part 3 -- Paxton goes to College

Say wha?? My two year old is going to college? Well, yeah. He kind of is. After setting up an assessment for Paxton at the Maryjane Rees Language Speech and Hearing Center at Sac State and receiving his report, he's ready to start speech therapy.

This is such a huge win for me, as a mom. I feel like I'm doing something for him that I couldn't have done for Phoenix. I know that I am. While Phoenix had all sorts of early intervention, it was all from the school district, mostly Portland Public School, and was based on integrating him into a "normal" classroom. His teachers and I didn't fully understand the limitations Phoenix had and couldn't fully address his needs. I think it was because we didn't do the kind of evaluations they do at CSUS. Phoenix has grown so much in the last year and I feel like most of that progress is because of his time in the clinic at CSUS.

Looking at Paxton's report, I see a much different child, with very different problems. Mainly, he barely has any. He scored at the highest level and is emerging at age-level in all areas of testing but is still a few months behind his peers. The clinician also recommends looking at the possibility that Paxton could have CAS, Childhood Apraxia of Speech. It's something I researched when I was trying to figure out why Phoenix wasn't making much progress and it kind of fits with Paxton.

Overall, he seems to be in a much better place than Phoenix ever was and I'm hopeful that getting him into the clinic will help him get up to age-level before he starts school. He's not even three yet and won't be starting preschool until next Fall so we've got plenty of time if we work hard enough. I've already noticed an improvement by simply implementing some of the tools, tips and tricks suggested by the assessor. Slowing down my speech. Enunciating the words. Using shorter, easier to copy sentences.

He's very good at copying most of the sounds he hears and speaks in sentences and paragraphs but most of what he says is beyond my abilities to translate. He asks lots of questions and "But why?" has to be his favorite. It comes out more like 'Gah why' but you can understand it. He also loves to ask what things mean. 'What left mean?' 'What up mean?' and he definitely understands things better; he's always throwing out 'No Fair!', usually when he's getting screwed out of something or getting left behind.

All in all, I'm confident his issues are much smaller and easier to resolve than Phoenix are/were. He'll start Speech 1 next Tuesday and then we'll see how fast this kid can fly. This is one chapter I am eager to start and watch unfold.

Someone You Talked to Today

Tuesdays & Thursdays are now dedicated to Phoenix's CAPD clinics at Sacramento State so Jay & I spent the night dividing our attention between the boys. Jay chased Paxton around campus while I waited for Phoenix in the waiting room. It was so rough, sitting there reading my book, while Jay ran around in the cold drizzle with a baby who gets buzzed off fresh air. It also happens that Jay snapped some super cute pictures of Paxton & since I did technically talk to him, I'm using one. Yes, I realize it's not a self-portrait. It's probably better.

Someone You Talked to Today

Loud

Since I've got an absolutely P-E-R-F-E-C-T picture for this one, I didn't bother going crazy attempting to capture another one. In this house, LOUD is an every day (almost ALL day) occurrence; there's no need to go seeking it out or creating it. It just happens. He may be small but he packs a hefty set of lungs and he seems to enjoy exercising them at every opportunity. I still love him though; I mean, look at him! Even in mid-scream, he's so adorable.

Loud

Completely unedited to show you the little ball of fury that is my youngest son, Paxton.