A baby no more

Today, my baby turns three. It's not really a milestone birthday. Not like the first or Sweet 16 but for me, this one is still pretty big.

Three is that age when you see the personality come out, the independence. Three is when you really "meet" your child, in a sense that they are now, very definitely, their own people. Some can still be called toddlers.

Paxton cannot. 

He is anything but "toddling" at this point in his very young, play-filled life. He is running, jumping, climbing. He is talking. Not as well as most of his peers but better than his brother was at this age and better than he was a few months ago. He's not even toddler size! Standing up to Phoenix's shoulder and wearing a size 4T, he looks closer to four or five than just-barely-three. 

December 30, 2009 -- From Baby...

It's hard for me to remember him as a baby; he's just grown so fast! He was rolling over before we moved from Oregon and was walking by nine months. He's been babbling and fighting with Phoenix for months now and sometimes, I can't believe he's still only three. 

Having Paxton has changed all of our lives, in so many different ways. He has helped teach me patience and simply won't tolerate being yelled at.

He just shuts down.

Arms crossed, head bowed, he'll glare at me from under his eyelashes.

He is all emotion and reaction. Treat him calmly and with respect and you have the most wonderful kid in the world.Yell at him to do what you want and you will have the world's biggest fight on your hands and YOU WILL LOSE. Trust me on this one.

He's reminded me that part of my job as a parent is to give these boys confidence. Confidence in themselves and confidence that I will always, always, be there for them, no matter what. If I'm yelling about spilled milk or crushed-up cereal on the floor, they probably aren't going to want to see how I react to them breaking a neighbors' window or crashing a car.

I am teaching them by example more than I am with words and what I do is what they will remember. I see a  self-assured, bright, intelligent little boy when I look at Paxton and I have the greatest hopes for him, and Phoenix too. He is always so happy, smiling and playing, laughing at anything and everything Phoenix does or says. He wants nothing more than to be doing whatever Big Brother is doing, much to Phoenix's displeasure.

We left Portland just fifteen weeks after he was born and he will never remember anything about being there. He is essentially a California kid, even if he was born in Oregon.

This is all he's ever really known. It makes me sad because in some ways, it's a lot like what Phoenix experienced in Portland: crazy times with Mom and Dad trying to figure out how to make life happen. There has been an incredible amount of fun though, too. I mean, how many kids can grow up and say they used to wrangle chickens in their Huggies??


Paxton can.

He's explored Old Folsom with us and gone to Sly Park to see snow for the first time. He's learned to crawl, walk and run here in California. We've gone swimming in Folsom Lake and camping God-only-knows-where and again at Mosquito Lake (never camp anywhere named "Mosquito-anything"). His first Christmas was here, at our house in Orangevale.

He's started speech therapy at CSUS and will start school this year too. He's almost got this potty training thing down, announcing 'I pee! I PEE!' when he needs to go or has already gone and I can see how proud of himself he is when he bounces up and throws a fist in the air with an "I DID IT!". In three short years, he's gone from a helpless, totally dependent ball of goo and poop to a smart, independent, strong-willed little boy.

He is no longer a baby. He is on his way to childhood. As hard as it is to watch him grow up, as hard as it is to lose my "baby", I am so proud of the person he is becoming. I can see in him the changes I have made in myself and how I parent. I can almost see the boy he is becoming; almost but not quite.

...to Boy in 36 months flat ♥

He was born during a freak snow storm in Portland and even with a name that means "peaceful village", this kid is a tempest when he wants to be. He is strong; he is smart; he is full of energy and curiosity  He wants to explore the world and conquer it; and today, he turns three.

I love you so much, little man. You have changed me in untold ways and I am forever in your debt. ♥

Day 12 -- Golden Years Challenge

Day 12 -- 

My dad would be celebrating his 54th birthday today. I miss you, Dad. Not so much for myself but because of all the fun stuff you're missing with these boys. I suppose I should consider myself lucky you're not here to spoil the snot out of them but I'd rather have two raging brats and a gloating father then no father at all. 

If this weren't obviously an ancient photo, I could mistake you for your grandson! He has that exact same stare, the same head and he's a scrawny little guy too...

I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was having a boy & I knew he'd be a little you. Thanks, Dad for leaving a little piece of yourself in my boys. 

When I see #2, I see myself and I know all the joy, love, fear you felt looking at me. I know now how much you loved me and that that love literally ruled your life.

I have these two in a frame on my dresser. I remember going to Mall 205 and getting picture strips in the photo booth outside the Emporium. How random. I remember doing so many fun things with you. It was always an adventure...Like the time I got lost in OMSI and had to get a security guard to find you. 

One of our last photos together. I had so much fun that day...North Carolina was a huge learning experience for me; I learned about guilt by association, self respect and dignity. It was all learned the hard way  and I am so glad I didn't have to stay there. I look back on that time with fondness and regret...

You were such a handsome old man! Unlike most men, you aged very well and had that distinguished look. You never let me live down the one time I said your hair was silver, not grey. =) When people tell me, "You look just like your dad.", I take it as a huge compliment because in my head, it means I'll age nicely. 

Well, Old Man, here's to you! I love you so much and I know you're watching over us. I know you hear me talking to you and I know you help out in every way you can. 

I love you, Daddy and I really miss you.


**Pictures censored for privacy**

Day 8 -- Golden Years Challenge

Day 8 --

Today is my best friend Angela's 27th birthday and I realize I don't have nearly as many pictures of her as I should :( sorry, Ange, I just seem to be missing a few years...

You've been a part of my family for so long now; I can't believe it's been nineteen years since we met! We've been through so much together and shared so many memories.
My dad took us snipe hunting on this trip and we built an awesome driftwood fort on the beach...then I burned my hand on a smoldering ember. Classic Me.

From elementary school through high school, you were always a best friend. We fought but always got over it and came back to 'sisterhood'.  There's been so much you've helped me through and there are so many memories we share. I love you like a sister because you are my sister. I will always be here for you, through everything, day and night.

You've helped me stay strong a million times, in a million ways. We've been through pregnancies together. We've watched our kids play together and start to grow into little mini-mes (mini-us'??). Do you remember taking me to find out if I was pregnant with #2? You were just as happy and excited as we were <3 We've lost together, grieved for each other and grieved for our fathers together. We are bonded in so many ways and I want you to know; You are still my sister and my best friend.

I hope this next year is a joyous one for you. You've come so far in this world and I know you're feeling truly happy in life right now. 

You are a beautiful person, an amazing mother, a loving sister and valued friend.

I'm so grateful to have you in my life. 

Happy Birthday, Ange; today is a special day <3